SEPT HOLIDAYS

During prelims week i was staying up literally on average till 3am to study and during thurs i stay up to 3am again to bake and do cards to teacher's day. feeling really tired but all was worth it ! ^_^ i know it's something to be boastful of but ermmn i pass my bio and amaths for prelims omg :'))))

Me and the bae WENT BACK TO PRIMARY SCHOOL. I can't explain the nostalgic feeling of primary school days of carefree life with only 4 subjects of books in my bag each day. My primary school days was full of myself being a really introvert and no much of my own opinions. I remembered eating maggie mee 60 cents for two year from P1-P2 being apparently i was too scared to order something else, i think i have very bad social anxiety (now still have i guess?) We walk past classrooms, lessons replay in my mind as if all was just yesterday. All i could think of was the 4 years ago me getting upset over the guy i like, playing catching with my bestfriends and clique and the childish arguments of "I don't want to be your friend anymore"

Guess we grew up real fast. & unbelievably i will be leaving secondary school soon to embark on my new journey which i am both fearful and anticipating of.

Cyril actually accompany us too, how sweet.

Impromptu night out with jing ying and catching up a bit on each other's life. 

Went for a date with Jing Wen & Yiwen and her bro joined us as well. A really hearty meal and i finally cut the corn right. Super proud of myself because the last time i went i look very pathetic with my corn all over the plate. :(

"and if i fall;"

Paris Baguette Royal Pudding is GOLD.

This was at nihon mura with lynnette. (my new lit friend met from my secret account)

& btw the restaurant is seriously doing injustice to sushi because to me it's real bad. [honest opinion, i'm sorry :(( ]

We watched "if i stay" and this is seriously a really sad movie. I cried the worst compared to any movie and they deliberately made the after part comes in then the before part then after part then before part like a flashback so it's like so sad for the whole movie, the mood just keeps readjusting omg.

Traditions traditions.

I COOK EVERYTHING HEREEEEEE. so proud of myself :')) 

i spend like half a day cooking + washing and the fatigue is real, really grateful for the dinner everyday that my ahma & maid cook omg T.T

There is this 1 night i feel so awfully sad. & again i had no 1 i could turn to, i tried texting a few friends but they think i am over sensitive etc. so i went to my solitary visits to the library and on the way i was tearing up real bad. For all i know i was someone who really don't like to look vulnerable to others so i was really trying to control it. I went to read a how to be happy book and well the content kinda sucks idk. Then i came across a really interesting picture book with this daisy picture in the normal view and if it's arrange neatly. It's about the perspective of how others see things. How can i expect them to understand my position ? and it's okay if they don't because it's the perspective. ouch at people and mean words and actions. 

but i am thankful for them because 

if there isn't for them, 

i wouldn't have learnt how to not hurt others in the same way.

I take negative comments straight in my face for reflections too, and it has always been this way with my constant daydreaming mind. I don't need people to see it, as long as i know it. 

I am really starting to distance away myself from people who make little effort to stay in my life because i'm tired of being overly clingy to many people who don't really think i matter. Getting ignored is like really getting more and more frequent not just for 1 but quite many people. Right now apart from my family, only about a few other people really do matter to me. 

Just  telling from the tone of people when i was screaming inside for help and i would know who truly matters and who don't. ( and i be honest with you, i guess myself is enough ) I was kinda shocked by how people not so close to me at least ask then people who are close to me but don't really care.

[This might be one of the last posts i am like expressing my thoughts because i need to be more independent & stop relying on someone else. ] 

The odds don't seem to be in my favour and i'm hiding under my sheets feeling disgustingly unwanted. 

But nevertheless, i'm still grateful for the things that i know i should be grateful for. 

xx,