Bitter goodbyes.

Goodbyes. I fucking hate goodbyes. But deep down my inner voice tells me they have a reason why.

I'm not sure how many people knew but recently i had adopted a kitten- His' name is Tux, short for Tuxie. Also Tux for his Tuxedo (Black and white) coat. He was initially found by my friend's dad while he was driving on the road. Upon seeing how dangerous the situation for this little being was, he immediately brought it back before thinking of giving it for someone to adopt. 

Being the avid cat lover i was, i was very enthusiastic about the opportunity. And the first time i held him, i was so in love, so determined to give it the home it deserves. My reasoning mind tells me that not possible; but obviously, i was too ignorant to listen. 

Before he even came, i even spent half a day getting his supplies, ensuring it has all the necessary food,  shampoo, toys that he probably would need. Day one, he was so tiny and shy, hiding in all sorts of random places, dark ones so you couldn find. Day two, he hide a little lesser. Day three, he could run around freely. Day 4, he started to learn how to climb the shortest table and so on ... Each day, you see a new progression. It almost seems like you are watching your very own child. 

Then with progression, also comes problems. He was especially mischievous, and daring, a little too daring that it seems that scolding doesn works. Or rather, in the pet's world, is there really such a thing as "disciplining" them? He also is very selective at where he wants to litter, and does it at random places. My family members were getting frustrated, and i can see them trying to hold their patience, I was also, definitely frustrated but i couldn show, i couldn show because i was almost the only one who wants to keep him. Yet, i couldn always 24/7 be taking care of Tux. And being a growing kitten, he seems to be constantly hungry. Meaning more eating, and well more pooping. More labour intensive in short. 

I started to think about many things. I knew i had previously told my friend it will be a few weeks to see if he could live with me and my family. I started to worry about what if my internship starts and no one be at home to feed him or clear his litter, or perhaps ensure that he is safe. I started to reevaluate if i was, actually selfish. That for my own personal desires, i placed my family members in distress. After all, there weren't as enthusiastic about the idea as i am. I could go on, and be a responsible owner, But that would probably means neglecting other aspects of my life and putting my dreams and passions in jeopardy. It seems like i am just exaggerating. But if i do not get support from the people who live in the same roof as me, i think it's just the hard truth that i refused to acknowledge.

Could Tux have a better home ? If he was more welcome, more taken care of ? Would Tux truly be happy if i were out for intern and he has to entertain himself everyday? I knew the answer, perhaps everyone do. 

Just a couple of hours back was the last i probably would ever get to see of him. When i walk past the living room or kitchen, i could still hear his meows, begging for food or play. When i sat at the sofa, i will recall how he used to sleep there. The ringing sound of the bell i placed on him, the one that was too big was him initially hanging on his neck and shoulder like a sling to a bigger him right now. From jumping from the lowest table, to even jumping from half a metre to the ground. His yellow eyes building glow and slowly growing to become even more charming. From us reprimanding him and him continuing to do back the same thing over again. I miss him. I'll miss everything. 

Hopefully, in a decade later, when i have the capabilities to live on my own, i will own another cat/pet. And i don't know how long will this episode of traumatic experience stay with me. It seems like i am reprimanding myself for being irresponsible and incapable. I pray, that Tux will find a great owner, someone who will provide a home he needs. Someone who will welcome him in open arms and never abuse him. 

The sad fact is that he is probably never going to be called Tux again. Goodbye Tux, and hello to your new home. 

[Tux ix currently residing in @luvkuching, a non-profit organisation who specially takes care of stray cats that ate ill/injured, or young kittens for adoption, alongside with other kittens who needs a home. So, if you and your family love cats and is willing to save a life. This is the place to go. ]

xx,

ag