Passion is the bridge that takes you from pain to change.

I wish i knew what is wrong with me. For something has long been broken and chipped & i am no longer the same again. My room is messy like my mood. All i want was to stay alone.
"Don't talk to me "
"Go away"
became the most frequent words that came out of mouth so unexpectedly naturally to the ones closest to me. Sometimes this other weird person of me comes out and talk in a voice so unfamiliar.

No longer can i even find the strength to smile and ask them how's their day. Yet sometimes i tried my best to not fire up in anger for no particular reason and place a better tone which later cause me to find myself suffocating in all the frustration, anger, anxiety.

The worst part was, i have been brushing away so many things day to days, month to months, year to years that i didn even knowing what is fucking hurting me so badly.

All i know was that i make people smile at first, made them so happy then later found myself hurting them, making them upset. Nothing came from bad intentions. But..

just in a simple summary i think i am starting to hate myself. really really hate myself.
i get disgusted looking at myself in the mirror.
Not just because i think i look ugly,
but i think that even my soul is becoming ugly.

Loving people is so exhausting, any people.

I really hope i know how to cry out this accumulated demons inside of me, for each time i tried they just refused to show themselves.

Honesty i think i still haven fully recover from whatever mental issues i faced. I always thought i will be okay i will be okay i will be.

Yet day by day, my motivation towards life seems to drift away from me.
I don't want to sleep at night;

and don't want to wake up in the morning.

-xx