a lil graveyard

Oh it’s almost a half of a year,

Oh how much do i love short-lived treacherous things.

The ones that pounce on my heart yet never forms into something.

A halt, a pause, an eventual full stop.

Oh eventful indeed.

Yet i can’t stop these thoughts with missing

I saw you in the food i ate,

nothing fancy but accompanied with your frequent teasing

and irrelevant analysing of people who could possibly add pile to your wealth.

i saw you when i am reading sad poetry,

of your tittle of books you hold dear to give me

the ones my previous lover attempt stuffing in the bin

out of jealously.

i saw you in neighbouring bus routes,

how i was sitting at the front rear of your dad’s cars to fix the punctured tyre

and you taking longer routes

could it be that you were taking a few more moments off me before we part

so we could have an extra minute shared with the other.

i saw you in the night skies,

when we were on the walking over to your house 

and you were flirting with your shoulders over mine.

i saw you in small pubs by the road side,

how i was playing games of dares

and how you lost with a forfeit of kissing a male lecturer of philosophy on the cheeks

perhaps in exchange for a win and maybe of my lips.

could it be that you were actually falling in love with me. 

A web of deceit intertwined in honesty. 

Just like that we were meeting and laughing

more as though a passing routine.

and really was we both just being dealers trying to triumph over such a lame trophy?

- of nothing.

All the high delights then came into crashing,

we had nothing

we were nothing

and really i wasn't even fighting for anything

not hints of attention

i don’t want your attention

Oh how i don’t want your love too, ironically.

how really i wasn’t even at the least expecting a thing.

I just found more lonely in me,

which came the loathing.

Oh bear in mind i was never in love with you anyways,

we were after all stations of different frequencies anyways.

i was in love with the idea of forbidden more than of all ways.

Oh then you came around and told me things

told me how i am charming 

and it hits me that oh god was i at some point indeed your 

breathtaking?

That perhaps all these was my mind at work and 

nothing of any accusing.

Still, that would have not changed anything. 

i don’t want your body

i don’t want your face

yet i actually do pine for your laugh

maybe also a hint of your masculine embrace

telling me hey it’s all gonna be okay.

lying to ourselves it’d be okay

to fall in love with the other

and pretend we weren’t.

oh what a pain.

in love with the forbidden,

dragging the baggage’s burden.

Here i am, now in love with somebody else.
Still with monsters in my head forming cohesive whispers on 

which should kill the other when i sleep.

Oh, how poignant when you really know it will soon be a graveyard

and that i am no romantic, 

i’m not coming with any roses to visit.